In a dream I fell out of the back of a covered wagon after it hit a bump in the road.  The caravan of wagons moved on without notice and I was left behind.

I feel like that in real life all the time.  Out of step, out of time with everything.  Wanting to be on the front burner of the stove boiling away, but stuck on the back burner ignored.  It’s not that I’ve really ever been ignored in life, but it feels like it.

Oh my what a statement I just realized.  I wrote those words a long time ago and was copying them down out of an old notebook, and now it hit me.  I have never claimed the thought or feeling, that in fact, I have been ignored.  My goodness!!  Both my parents literally left me and my siblings.  Not both at the same time either.  One left then the other.  I was three.  Left literally in a house till an aunt found us.

Perhaps that contributes to why I hold myself back.  Hold myself back from everything, from conversations, from social events.  I slip in and out of a room or situation without notice.  I am actually really good at it.   A fly on the wall watching everyone and thing happening, not engaging, a voyeur, a shape shifter.