We all suffer the loss of someone in our lives.  The one who when we least expect it turns their back on us and becomes our enemy, our worst nightmare.  Is it the nightmare we suffer from or the unexpected loss of someone we trusted, someone we loved, someone we admired.

Nightmares we can get through.  Loss, betrayal, the painful knife to the gut, the stab in the back, to our ego, our heart, our pride, our soul is what remains the hardest to fathom, to overcome, to find forgiveness, to heal.

On my journey inward to the center of my world I must resurrect moments, histories, occasions of great physical and emotional pain brought on by loss in order to find healing, peace, forgiveness.  But, how once resurrecting these occurrences do I leverage, balance and weigh them against the present moment, the here and now without making my present world fall apart.

How do I carry the weight of the world and the past at the same time and remain sane?   What if the worlds collide, what will happen then?  Will I collapse into depression?   Will I be unable to survive the strain it may cause?

What about the feelings?  Will they hurt too much?  Will they steal my joy?  Will they color everything so that I can not recognize who I believe myself to be?  How will I manage?  Is healing feelings so important as to upset the apple cart?   Do I really need resurrection?

How can I forgive and forget?  Is that even possible?  Must I?  After years of carrying the burden, I feel the weight.  Do I still want to carry it?  No