Imagine my surprise to discover that
my dad was/is not
my knight in shining

I held him in such high
I placed him on a pedistal
I held him there for
44 years

But, out of nowhere it seems, yet not really
in a flash
I saw
I discoverd
He did not deserve to be there

Who’s to say how
many pieces of a puzzle
it took to arrive
at such a pivotal moment

But when it did
it shook me to my core

That last defining piece of discovery that brought
clarity to my sight
and a crushing blow
to my heart and soul
slipped into place

He wasn’t there any more than my mother
They both left when I was only three

Yes he showed up three or 4 times
making lots of promises
but he didn’t
keep them

The anger and rage that swelled
from my discovery
heaved forth
an unexpected emptiness

Now it fills with clarity
and the space to
welcome love